In my opinion, Western culture has things backwards in a few ways. One of those ways is in the view of the elderly. In biblical times, and in most cultures outside the West, the elderly are viewed with respect and honor. However in the West, youth is what is elevated and idealized. In many ways the elderly are marginalized. So what should our view and responsibility be for our parents as they age?
1 Tim. 5:4,8 – “But if a widow has children or grandchildren, let them first learn to show godliness to their own household and to make some return to their parents, for this is pleasing in the sight of God. … But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”
Eph. 6:2-3 (quote from OT Law in Ex.20 and Deut.5) – “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.”
Biblically, children are to make sure their parents are cared for, whatever that might look like. In biblical and other cultures, there was no social security or medicare, so more responsibility fell to children to make sure their parents were provided for. Yet honoring our parents doesn’t just mean that we let the system take care of them. They will have increasing needs financially, but also emotionally, mentally and physically.
About 1.5 yrs ago, we moved my parents from their home in Prescott, AZ (where they loved living) to a home near my sister in Hopkinsville, KY. They knew the move needed to happen since my dad has Alzheimer’s and his condition was deteriorating. My sister has medical training and was excited about the folks coming her direction. Over the past year and a half, my parents health has deteriorated, and a week ago my father was put on hospice care. This is a blessing, since the pressure on my mom in caring for him was getting too great. My sister has been a champion, working to care for my parents as well as her husband’s father and her own family.
So what comes next? We don’t know. But we do know there will be some difficult choices. Friends have shared with me that as their parents aged, they needed to make some difficult choices in caring for them, while bearing the responsibility with joy. But through it all, the principle of “honoring your parents” must be our guide. They have invested so much in us, and now it is our turn to make a small return on that investment. We are praying for wisdom as my sister and I talk together and with my mom to make plans for the future. May God guide us as they make this “final lap,” and prepare for a glorious future in the presence of the Savior they love.
Pressing on, Eric