Six years ago, I spent month researching, investigating, thinking and praying, and decided to buy a very fun, economical, reliable, 6-speed manual transmission Mazda 3 iSport hatchback. After many cars that kept breaking down, we wanted something that would last. We had saved for years to buy it, and even though it was not very expensive, this would be the car that we would drive for a couple decades, and I really liked it… maybe too much. I serviced it faithfully, always kept it in the garage, and six years later it was in perfect condition with only 32,000 miles on it, ready to go the distance. I had taught both our boys how to drive stick shift on it, and there were fun memories attached to it.
A few days ago, Holly drove the Mazda to visit her parents, and then returned home. I was working in the garage, and she pulled in front of the garage, hopped out of the car to greet me, left the car running, and pulled the parking brake on… partway. A minute later as we talked, we heard the terrible sound of the car rolling away. I raced after it as it gained speed backing down our property that is on a hill. There was no way that I could catch it, and I helplessly watched as it slammed into a large tree on the bottom of our property. Airbags deployed since it was still running, and I let out a mournful scream.
While we are thankful that no one was hurt in the accident, over the last few days the insurance adjuster and appraiser deemed the car “a total loss” and it was hauled away. If it had moved two feet to the left, it would have missed the tree and sustained minimal damage. A foot to the right, and it would have hit squarely in the middle of the back and could have been repaired. But because of the exact place it hit, repair or even buying back the salvaged car is not an option. We were one month from having no accidents on our insurance record since Adam’s accident a few years ago. This will result in higher insurance premiums, plus the collision deductible, plus my sweet Mazda is gone. The appraiser will let me know soon how much the insurance will pay, but I know it was worth more to me that what they will offer.
Over the last few days, I’ve gone through the gamut of emotions. Why couldn’t it have been the other car, the old Subaru that has been through accidents, has had mechanical problems, etc. I have worked not to blame Holly or be discouraged, but I must admit there has been MUCH involuntary sighing as I experience the sting of loss. I really enjoyed and appreciated this car. I know that in time, the sting will diminish. But for now it is quite acute.
I’ve been trying to speak truth to myself. We live in a fallen world where bad things happen. In the big picture, this is not a big deal as compared with those who are truly suffering and experiencing profound loss, locally and globally. Maybe I valued the car too highly, was holding it too tightly, and God in His wisdom saved me from materialistic impulses. He did that three decades ago with the two other vehicles I loved – my first motorcycle and my first car (VW Scirocco). It’s all gonna burn – only God, His people and His Word will last. One of my mentors told me yesterday that God owns everything, including that car, so if God wants to wreck His car, it is His prerogative to do that. I’m just driving a loaner… or I was driving it.
Things are still fresh, and I haven’t found the line of rational justification that takes the ache away, but I did find comfort from the text I preached on a couple days ago at a church in Aberdeen. Romans 8:31-39 reminded me that God provides for me, God defends me, and God loves me. Nothing can take these truths away. There may be terrible suffering and loss and hardship in this life (much more than loss of my Mazda), but that does not remove the truth of those verses. I trust God to be working, and although we will probably never again own another vehicle as nice as that one, I accept that and trust in God’s sovereign working over all things for the good of those who love Him and are called for His purposes (Rom. 8:28).
